Taking photos of books for some people is therapeutic. For others, it’s a way to express their passion for books and mingle it with a creative twist. That’s how Bookstagram started out for me. I wanted to share my passion for books with others like myself and bring my own unique perspective to it. Somewhere along the way, I found myself stressing about the photos I took and feeling as if I wasn’t good enough. All of this led me to have an identity crisis and you know what? I don’t think it’s such a bad thing.
HOW IT HAPPENED…
When I first began taking bookish photos they were pretty basic. I would stage a couple of my favorite books on my pink plaid bedding and take a photo. Then I started adding in props I found around the house and suddenly that wasn’t enough. I wanted to be better.
We all have our favorite Bookstagrammers out there who we look up and admire. I know my list seems to grow more and more every day. The photos on those accounts are breathtakingly beautiful to me. I’m constantly studying them to try and figure out what makes them so captivating. It’s like trying to figure out how a magician does their best magic trick. No matter how hard you study them or how close you come to finding out their secret it seems almost impossible to ever duplicate. For just a moment you wish they would go step by step and explain how they did it. That’s how I feel about Bookstagram sometimes. I want to know how my favorite Bookstagrammers make their photos so beautiful. I want to know every step they took to finding their unique style and how it all happened. Don’t you?
Well, the more I tried to take photos I could be truly proud of and ones that would represent who I am I found myself becoming more and more frustrated. I just couldn’t seem to make my Instagram feed flow right and engagement on my feed was slowing down.
A PHOTO IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS…
I had to take a step back and try to process what was happening. Why did I start my bookstagram account in the first place? Why did I begin book blogging or making bookish videos? I did it because I truly love books and I wanted to be apart of a community that felt the same way I did. I wanted to know I wasn’t as alone as I feel in this world. Being a book lover sometimes feels like you’re a bit of an oddity when comparing yourself to others. Walking into a bookstore or scrolling through Bookstagram makes me feel happy, accepted, and apart of something truly special. That’s why we join fandoms, isn’t it? We don’t do it for likes or followers. We do it because we love it and nothing matters more. That’s when I realized the “magic” behind my favorite Bookstagram accounts. The magic was simply that they weren’t afraid to express who they truly are. And over time they had discovered how to represent their true selves through photographs.
As I scrolled through my Instagram feed I began to realize why my photos didn’t follow a specific theme, or rather why I couldn’t keep a theme. I was having an identity crisis. I didn’t know who I truly was or wanted to be. Have you ever felt that way before? I change my hair all the time because I’m constantly trying to find a look that feels like me. I’m constantly trying to find my “look” or “style.” Just like my hair changes and rarely ever stays the same, the same is true about my Bookstagram account. Even when I film YouTube videos I don’t feel like I know myself well enough to let it shine through in the videos. While some people might find that sad, I actually find it quite exciting.
I wish I could say I know exactly who I am now but that wouldn’t be fully true. I’m a work in progress and I am taking time now to figure out who I am and how I can share that with all of you. Whether I’m putting a bit of myself into a photo or letting my guard down on a video I am working towards letting myself be true to whoever I may be. There are many instances in my life that brought me to this point but it was Bookstagram that made me confront it head-on. And I’m thankful it did because now there is a bit of peace inside this chaotic head of mine. I’m excited to spend 2018 figuring out who I am and what I am capable of. So please bear with me as I fumble through finding my identity in real life and online. I plan to start sharing more of this journey with you and being more authentic and real. I hope you’ll stick around and find it useful. And maybe, just maybe, my Bookstagram account will finally be something I am truly proud of because it will be a part of me. The real me.
Comment down below if you’ve dealt with this at all and how you’ve found your way through it. Or if it’s too personal send me an email or DM. I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this.
Until next time Book Lovelies… Happy Reading <3